Driving in Phoenix

My mom sent me this. Anyone who drives in Phoenix on a regular basis should agree with these:

How to Drive in Phoenix:

The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to 10:00am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways I-10, I-17, U.S. 60, Loop 202 — is 85 mph. You may only exceed that speed on Loop 101, where the speed is allowed to match the highway number. Anything less is considered wussy.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires go after that.
Note: East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.

Watch carefully for road hazards such as dogs, barrels, cones, horses, shredded tires, snakes, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

You must know that “Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the I-10” are all the same road.

To find anything in Phoenix, it is required to know where Central and Washington are. This is our Alpha and Omega-the Beginning and the End.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated.”

If you are in the left lane, and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off” accordingly.

Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

You are allowed to wear potholders to protect your hands and fingers during the summer.


  1. I am comming to visit Phoenix just so I can drive on Loop 101. Seems like a lot of fun.

  2. Come on down. I’ll take you on it. The sad thing is that it’s not much of an exaggeration. They actually raised the speed limit a couple years ago because people were normally going 20+ mph over anyway.